To all future husbands, my amazing and talented wife asked me to write a blog (never thought I would be writing a blog post college, but I do have some “wisdom” on this specific topic) about your big day. I’ll keep this as short and to the point as I can, given that most of us men have a slightly smaller attention span for ‘wedding talk’, than what our better halves do. I will share with you what I believe in my own experience to be of value & consideration for your upcoming celebration of love & unity.
I’ll break this up into 2 parts:
-Pre Wedding
-Wedding Day
~ Pre Wedding ~
-First and foremost; be involved. Your fiance is most likely lying awake at night thinking of which centerpieces to have, the color palette she wants, seating arrangements that’ll please everyone, so on and so forth. The amount of time and energy she is putting forth is far more than you know. Appreciate it. When she asks your opinion while you are putting your fantasy football lineup together, take a few minutes and give her questions some serious thought, whether it matters to you or not. She wants you to care, and to be involved for YOUR day.
-Find ways to help that fit your interests. If you care about the food, then search for catering options. If you care about the music, search for a DJ and put a song list together. If you care about the venue, then provide some suggestions. Whatever it may be, find the things that you will have an opinion towards to help relieve some stress from your fiancé and show you care about your wedding as much as she does.
-I cant stress this enough; This is you & your significant others day. It is about you both, and that is it. Do not let your in-laws, parents, grandparents, friends, or anyone sway you into choosing or doing something you don’t want. Whether that’s grandma asking you to invite your 5th cousin you have met once, or dad requesting his own specialty drink for the bar package. Invite who you truly want there, don’t invite anyone just to make others happy. It’s your guys’ day to be 100% selfish. To sum this point up, know how to say NO.
-Bachelor party. The thing us guys all really look forward to, the last big hoorah as an unmarried man where you can let go and have a great time with your friends. This one is tough because I have been to bachelor parties that were a big party for 5 days straight out of state, and ones that were more intimate and low key. Both were perfect for the future groom’s personality. Again, this is YOUR party, so sit down with your best man and tell him who you want there, a few options where you would like it to be, and whatever else matters to you. Have fun, be as smart as you can, and make it be a great memory. I spent mine in Scottsdale, AZ with 20 friends and it was an absolutely perfect way to start off celebrating becoming a married man with my best friends.
-Be prepared. Don’t procrastinate. Your other half is working tirelessly on all the little details. The last thing she needs on her plate is you waiting until the last minute to do your part and get the things done she has asked you to do. This can be a very stressful and hectic time. The more you can prove to her that you care and can handle your part will truly mean the world to her and help her feel more relaxed throughout the process. (for some, half of this will be corralling your groomsman to get their shit done.)
-Most importantly: Make. Time. For. Her. For most of us, you are both working, you have a house/apartment, maybe some pets (or kids), maintaining a social life, and now you have a wedding on your plate. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day. I cannot stress this enough; take her out on a nice date. Give her a massage. When you get home early, do all the dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dog walks; whatever it is so you can spend your last few hours before bed to focus on each other. As a new dad and a married man of 3 years, life is extremely busy. Don’t EVER forget to make time for her. And NEVER, stop dating her.
~ Wedding Day ~
-The big day is here. For me, I didn’t really get nervous until then. The best advice I can give is to just be as present as possible. It’s easy to get wrapped up in everything and worrying about how it will all play out, but try to continually remind yourself to take stock of the day. You are surrounded by the people you love most and are making a pact with the woman you love more than anything. Do everything you can to enjoy it because it is truly magical.
-Pictures. Us men all hate the pictures. Honestly, the best way to get through the pictures is to be a drill sergeant to your groomsmen. Tell them to quit screwing off for 30 minutes, and then they can relax and have a beer before the ceremony starts.
-Pre-Ceremony Alcohol. This one is a challenge. As a man who very much enjoys his bourbon (as do my groomsman), it’s important. This is a celebration, and people have social anxiety/stage fright, so they may choose to alleviate that with alcohol. I nearly avoided a huge incident with one of my groomsman who had a few too many (with the help of my other groomsmen) prior to the ceremony. If those groomsmen hadn’t come through, it would have really ruined things for my fiancé. By no means am I saying not to have a any drinks before the ceremony with your groomsman, but make sure things are not even close to getting out of hand. You have all night to get there, wait til the reception.
-Once the ceremony is over, you take your pictures as wife & husband, and return for the reception. Make your rounds to say ‘hello’ and ‘thank yous’ as quickly as possible. It’s hard not to talk to people who came to support your big day for 5 minutes, but when there are 200+ people, it would take forever. Thank them, tell them you appreciate them, and move things long. Once dinner, speeches, and all other traditions are over with and it’s time to drink and dance, you can talk as long as you want.
-Take some time to escape the chaos to spend some alone time with your wife. Take a short walk, go outside and look at the stars, do whatever you can to be able to take a moment with just you two. It’s your day, enjoy at least 10 minutes of it to appreciate it with just her.
-Have fun. Dance, even if you’re bad at it. Just soak it all up. The day goes by faster than any day you have ever had, I promise you that. You’ve been planning this for months, if not years, and it truly escapes from you so quickly. As I said before, soak it all in. Enjoy your friends. Enjoy your family. And above all, enjoy your new wife.
In conclusion, we as men have a responsibility and a promise to the woman we just married to be the best that we can be. We took vows to take care of them. To love them. To support them. To provide for them. Do not take that lightly, or as a formality of the process to get married as something you just say when you are standing at the altar. You’ve chosen this woman to be with you for the rest of your life, to bear your children, to be your best friend, your confidante, your rock. You’ve made a promise to them, and to yourself. Life is great. Life is hard. It’s unfair, it’s challenging, it’s beautiful, but above all, it’s a life you’ve chosen to share with a woman that you love. Never, ever, stop communicating and talking to her. Share your struggles and worries. Confide in her. Help her. Laugh with her. Travel with her. Do new things with her. Take her on dates when you are 80. Pull pranks on her. Get drunk with her. Make her dinner. Do things she asks you to do. Do things she doesn’t ask you to do, but will make her day. Marriage is so many different things, but it is what you make it. Never. Stop. Dating. Her.
-Best Regards,
A very, very lucky man
📸: Out of the Woods Photo
We are the ‘catch all’ for your event day needs! The Groom’s boutonniere fell off and they need an extra pin? Easy peasy! Taking too long getting those dang loopholes around the buttons on your dress? Girl, don’t sweat it, we have a crochet hook just for that purpose!
